THE MATADORS ARE:

Hooch (vox/guitars)
somebody on bass
Westman(drums)


Creators of the HORRORBILLY genre, masters of balls out rock, foremost motherfuckers in their own right THE MATADORS have been destroying stages and the minds of the youth since the mid 90s with their brand of Lucifer driven,booze fueled hate rock.

No band has ever come close to THE MATADORS is terms of live show and performance and no band has ever assembled demon possessed musicians with such raw and unfathomable talent before. Seeing THE MATADORS live is like being in a fun house that has been set on fire,like being trapped in a womens prison on a full moon, and be prepared and bring a change of pants because you will shit the pants you bring to the show.

THE MATADORS are the type of band that blows through your town and then the next day 100 bands pop that want to be just like them... THE MATADORS are the most influential band of their generation like he Ramones in their era and the Velvet Underground in theirs generations of kids will moved by the awesome force that is MATADORS for as long as there is recorded music and ears to fucking hear it....

THE MATADORS created the genre HORRORBILLY only to remain the top in that field and all others. There are a few bands that claim to BE horrorbilly but upon closer inspection you will find that not only are those bands total poser hairdressers but that these other bands are actually just tribute bands made up of Matadors worshipers, that they are nothing more then a waste of the fans time doing little more then cashing in on what THE MATADORS invented!!


Nonetheless, be not fooled be these bands....as THE MATADORS are the genuine article.


Since selling their souls to Lucifer in 1995 in exchange for super human prowess on their instruments on supreme omnipotence over their audience they have been unstoppable no matter how badly they have been stabbed in the back by their "friends" in bands or supremely fucked over by their former record company.


" ...One night in 1999 Parkins was approached by what he describes as "a ghoulish figure in a black hood....or something" This sounded like a fair deal to Parkins so he pitched it to the other Matadors. They agreed that the deal was in their favor and set about to cement the deal. Instantly the audiences were in a frenzy, drinking inhuman amounts with complete disregard for tomorrow. Once the band began with the new Lucifarian music, onlookers could not help but spend their entire paychecks in a single evening of lewd wanton depravity.


As time went on, The Matadors became more and more powerful as they added more Lucifarian music to their repertoire eventually the performances became so intense that some "members" of the band became afraid of the power and evil that followed them to every show.


These cowardly "members" were allowed out of their contract with the brotherhood and went on to die listless and alone OR WORSE to join REALLY shitty prog-folk bands that run around calling themselves rockabilly in attempts however feeble and futile to include themselves in THE MATADORS continued greatness.


Each of these "members" to THIS day includes on every single one of their advertisements for their own bands the following boastful words:

"FEATURING MEMBERS OF THE MATADORS"


Why?.. I'll tell you why... The Subtext is saying this

" I was once part of something awesome and powerful but i lacked the testicles to carry on with it but, in order to establish creditability in this genre....even though I'm a complete fraud and have no claim it and even though when i WAS involved in THE MATADORS i never even wrote one note of any song,not did i come up with one word or concept,even though i i basically just showed up played my bland,shallow,boring and flavorless parts...i want you to know that i was at the very least present and part of that awesome thing...and sadly I feel the desperate NEED to claim a piece of it as my own... Even though clearly I lack the intelligence and talent to make such a claim that i was a part of creative side of The Matadors...The fact is, by saying these things, I KNOW I am admitting that i will never measure up in my future endeavors so I'm left to to cling to The Matadors with white knuckles...please pity me "


Yes folks it IS pathetic, it smacks of that same kind of contemptible sadness of an old man who was once a great quarterback in High school cramming himself into his old jersey and posing in front of the mirror...
But, please...they do not deserve your hatred, nor do they desire your disgust, even though they have clearly incited these feelings inside you. Do not fault them for their lack of a dental intervention or their choice to expose their strange nipples in public, do not fault them for their use of jeri-curl... I don't even think its worth busting their balls on the fact that they have falsified their place of birth in order to gain an identity that they felt better included them into THE MATADORS...


They deserve your charity, your sympathy and your pity...So dig deep within yourself and see if you can't find these things in your heart...


What these extremely desperate ex-"members" fail to realize is that by using The Matadors in this way they are only placing themselves in the shadow of THE MATADORS... and that shadow is a dark and limitless abyss indeed...and they will remain there until they stop ripping THE MATADORS off
and generate some original ideas on their own...




The reality is: THE MATADORS continue to make amazing records and tour and put on amazing shows...
THE MATADORS continue on 5 albums later and one on the way this year..
watch out for it

Jeff Healey loses cancer battle

The Canadian Press

March 2, 2008 at 7:23 PM EST

TORONTO — Canadian rock musician Jeff Healey has died, according to his publicist.

His website says the 41-year-old succumbed the cancer that he had fought since birth and that claimed his eyesight at the age of one.

Healey's distinctive guitar playing style and Blues-influenced singing earned him a reputation as a musical prodigy while he was still in his teens.

He shared the stage with such rock luminaries as Albert Collins, Stevie Ray Vaughan and B.B. King.
Canadian Guitarist Jeff Healey in a 200 file photo.

Canadian guitarist Jeff Healey in a 2000 file photo. (Taras Kovaliv/The Globe and Mail)
The Globe and Mail

He went on to front the Jeff Healey Band, an award-winning Canadian act that sold over a million albums in the United States.

Healy was 41, and leaves his wife, Cristie, daughter Rachel (13) and son Derek (three), as well as his father and step-mother, Bud and Rose Healey, and sisters Laura and Linda.

Funeral and memorial arrangements are pending.

On a personal note: i saw jeff healy for the first time at skydome YEARS ago where he opened for Jeff Beck and Stevie Ray Vaughn... he was fucking awesome.

Oh you people with your rumors.... Here's the thing: A lot people have been surmising that, since jeff has been hoisted from our ranks that, that must mean that The Matadors is over... Well, nothing could be further from the truth. Thats like saying " well, im never going into the bathroom again...since they changed the light bulb" Do you see the retardation of this logic.. The fact of the matter is: we are actually going STRONGER now. I,Hooch, writer of every note of every song, creator of every concept,art director,prop designer and builder,driving force and all out nice guy. Im still here. Jeff was merely the ambassador in charge of driving the van and of shirtlessness....
Im sorry if this shocks you but he never actually WROTE anything...

So why would it end? It wouldnt! that would just be stupid.
So, YES I am taking some time of to get the new record ready... but I am in now way tossing in the towel but rather I amd wearing the towel around my head and flying jet liners into office buildings!!

,Hooch

CLICK THIS IMAGE AND INSTANTLY BECOME SUPER-COOL
CONGRATU'FUCKING'LATIONS

this is BETTER then the pics of Brittany's shaved buisness...(ok, well its close?)

www.myspace.com/johnny_boner

Folks... The Man is trying to harsh your buzz in the worst way right now by making your music downloading a CRIME...YEAH A FUCKING CRIME!!!...lIKE MURDER or smoking a joint...

They as saying they are fighting this in the name of artists rights...who are losing SO much revenue...

Because clearly Lars Ulrich isnt making enough money on the 50 dollar t shirts at metallica shows.. nor does the revenue made on ticket sales on tours make a dent... i mean, i recently was brought to tears when i watched him have to sell SOME of his art collection netting him tens of millions of dollars... poor guy.
Do you think the aritst is hurt by downloading?... we arent. It only hurts the record major company and frankly...FUCK THEM ANYWAY.
I think if we can get RID of the major companies... it will be the great equalizer and only quality will prevail..
I persoanlly LOVE downloading, in fact im downloading massive torrents right now on this very computer im typing this on AND there is one in the next room doing the very same.
Am i upset if you download MY music?.. FUCK NO. It's music folks.. it should be heard. Download it... go ahead.

Do you want to download my live show or my t shirt?... you cant.
The record corporation cannot take a piece of my merch or my live show...
You dont see any lobby groups fighting like HELL to get clubs to pay SOCAN fees for bands do you?

Here's something you may not know: clubs are supposed to pay a SOCAN fee for Canadian performers who can then later report that they played the show and collect that money from SOCAN (go google SOCAN to figger out what it is)...
The deal is: you report how many original songs you play and you get paid based on that. Its the same system that pays a band for every time their song gets paid on the radio...

There are VERY few clubs that pay these fees... and you dont see anyone taking THIS to the house of commons bitchng about copyright and aritsts rights do you?...
Why not?... because the record company doesnt give a flying fuck if the ARTIST gets paid or not...

Dont let them tell you this is about artists rights... its not.

KEEP DOWNLOADING, KEEP SHARING.

Buy the indie artists cd if you want when they are on tour... and buy the other merch too.. Go to the mom and pop record store and buy music....

But download EVERYthing else...

I am.

What do YOU think is better?


To keep and old, sick and dying dog alive just because you love it and cant bare to be without it OR put it down, give it some dignity...end its suffering..

Me personally... I think if you love this friend of yours, you give it the respect it deserves and let it go. To keep it alive is selfish...

All good things must come to an end folks... Its just how this shit house works here on the planet earth.

,Hooch

Ok sometimes i feel the need to use this forum as my confessional booth so here' goes.

It is my opinon that, Rob Carvell did NOT play drums on Horrorbilly 9000...

Aledgedly,It was a drum machine.

I dont know.. I wasnt there.

THERE, ive said it. (what has been reported to me from an outside source...and i as a reporter of the news I am protected by Canadian law to exercise the right not to divulge my sources about this matter)

Listen closely to it... i mean strain your ear, you actually shouldnt need to strain too much really. Listen to Bad Mojo... It's kinda obvious.. In MY opinion. But please deem it for yourself

He is on the front cover of the record because we hired him to play some live shows and his girlfriend was the photographer and she BEGGED our managment team to let him stand in a photo, arguing that the composition was off and since he was playing live...it might be a good shot for promotional material etc... The Managment team agreed and VIOLA HB 9 GRAND cover was born.
When he got fired The Matadors were in transiton and there was just no time to change the website or the graphic... These things are being taken care of now though.

I kept this under wraps for so long because well, for one: its embarrassing. And two, I feel kinda bad for the guy.

Ok, well... I feel better.

,Hooch

Further more my lawyer tells me that to establish civil liability for defamation, the plaintiff must establish, on a balance of probabilities, the existence of an injury, a wrongful act, and of a causal connection between the two. A person who has made defamatory remarks will not be civilly liable for them. The plaintiff must further demonstrate that the person who made the remarks committed a wrongful act. Therefore, communicating false information is not, in itself, a wrongful act.
He also says "eat a dick rob...and quit using the matadors in your advertisments...its embarrassing"

http://www.rue-morgue.com/blog/archives/2007/11/10/ok-now-a-post-not-about-zombies/






Which one of you fuckers wrote this:

3 Comments »
Comment by john jacobson — November 26, 2007 @ 7:36 am

This band is total garbage now… I mean MAYBE when they had their original singer they had something but now. this is a fuckng commercial. I hate what this band stands for and i cant believe that rue morgue is giving them such a giant push. You should be ashamed of your selves really. Total fucking posers.
I love how you jumped on this band and turned your back on the matadors (actual musicians)

I can even watch them with the sister fronting. shes a dead ringer for Joan Benet Ramsey for one thing and for another: you can tell this music isnt coming from HER heart at ALL. its a giant pose. Cha Ching ching ching ring it up HMV.
This band has ‘ D-Tox’ all over it… Dont get any on ya.

Comment by Dave — November 26, 2007 @ 10:33 am

Well, ya can’t please all the people all of the time…

It’s interesting, John, that you’re obsessing on the singer being the problem with the band. More interesting that you write an awful lot like Matador’s singer Hooch does on his MySpace page. Guess you guys are psychically connected!

For the record, this isn’t Rue Morgue giving the band a push. I happen to really dig The Creepshow and wanted to write about ‘em. I also happen to really dig The Matadors. If I would’ve come across a vid of them playing in my home town, I would’ve posted that too.

Comment by matt darling — November 26, 2007 @ 1:45 pm

the thing i think is really interesting is this dude is going off on how they’re commercial now…. they only have one album out so theyre playing the same songs they did with jen, and sarah has a less bubblegum voice than jen. i dont think this guy has any reason to say they’ve sold out. if a band getting popular due to hard work and touring makes you dislike them… i guess you should concern yourself with finding a new band no ones heard of to namedrop. my suggestion is you pick a band that sounds fucking terrible so they never get fans so you dont have to regard them as sellouts

.........................................

Honestly, I didnt write this shit....nor would i. I dont need to use a psudonym for ANY reason. I say nasty shit...and i dont give a fuck. I do this without guilt OR remorse. Always have. But this... This is someone taking my previous blog too far..
So, John..go back to that page a come clean because THAT is some MEAN shit. And i dont need the aggrivation dude.
I got enough problems...

I signed this girls wrist...then she went out the next day and got it put on permenantly...

Behold, the Hooch signature TATTOO!!!

Listen to me now... if you come to a show and you want to stand up front. YOU ARE GOING TO GET BOUNCED AROUND BY THE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU.
Thats the reality of a Matadors show. The people up front dancing are there to have fun and get drunk and get totaly fucking loose.
So if yout THINK you are going to camp out up front and watch the show like its some rectial... yourre not.

Dont get all indignant and pissy with people bumping into you. If you want to watch the show and NOT get bumped into... you are STANDING IN THE WRONG FUCKING PLACE.

Move your prissy ass to the outside of the pit.
Dont get me wrong I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOU WANT TO SEE THE SHOW THAT CLOSE.
But, when the fuck are you going to learn that, that is NOT the place for someone who doesnt want to get bumped into.

The other day someone said 'yeah Hooch i tried to enjoy your show the other day but these drunk assholes who cant hold their liqor kept bumping into me and nearly wrecke my camera...'

Those "drunk assholes" are called MATADORS FANS. They were there getting their drink on and their wreck the fuck out. And dammit if they cant do it at a Matadors show... then i fucking quit!

And i aint quitting for nothing. So fuck you.


You brought your camera upfront in hopes that people would see you and go 'oh...she/he has a delicate piece of gear there....lets give her/him 4 feet clearence..."
Is THAT what you thought? Are you fucking RETARDED?!?!?

It ROCK AND ROLL SHOW. Not a library.

So in closing.

People that want to get nuts, upfront,
People that want to watch the show froma safe distance and not get bumped...in the back.

ME when i go to a show.... i stay at the back. Because I dont like getting my beer spilled.

,Hooch

Interview: THE of MATADORS - Ox-Fanzine/expenditure #74 The purest horror Canada is not well-known straight as Psychobilly center, and it gives nevertheless to be since already 1996 with MATADORS the hoellisch good volume, the devil a good man leaves and regularly concert halls into zombieske Untotenpartys changed. Hooch, volume founder, singer & guitarist answered to my questions.




OX: Hooch, about what it goes in the Song "Bush party"? Is it political?


HOOCH: No, "Bush party" is at all no political Song. It concerns to drive with its friends and a heap beer into the forest to make a large campfire and get drunk. It regards to great volume The Legendary Klopeks of whom I much have admire. It does not concern thus George Bush. If I would write a song over George Bush, then it became fool Kriegstreiber Texas nincompoop idiot liar cheat etc. meant. I write at all no political songs... however if I which to write would want, then I should have also the possibility for it.


OX: That brings to the age-old USA Canada conflict...


HOOCH: Do not understand me wrongly, I loves the United States and the time, which I spent there, very much enjoyed. Most people are great there, it are there beautiful and the meal are unbeatably... different than elsewhere in the world. It is the government and the political system, which I hate. It seems, as if there would be there a kind economic prison, from that it for arms not possibly is to be broken out, while realms always enrich become. There is an enormous gap between the central layer and the lower layer. I think, therefore there is there also so much force with firearms. I know that there is a health system in Europe, similarly as in Canada. In the USA there is not that and betruebt me. It is sad that they put billions dollar per day into a war, which was from the outset wrong it however do not create, itself around their poor to care hungernde and ill population.
Do you find that not also a little strange?


OX: Shortly are you with MATADORS in Europe on the way.


HOOCH: We look forward enormous to the route. I was last year already with THE CREEPSHOW, that volume of my wife, in Europe, and it was fantastisch. The route is really something special for us.


OX: Is there a kind with you and your wife match regarding your volume?


HOOCH: My Mrs. Hellcat left and now THE CREEPSHOW own volume, HELLCAT AND THE PROWL... In order to answer your question, no, I see there no competition between volume. I mean, we am very different. That begins already with the very intensive live-shows the MATADORS. CREEPSHOW could there never keep up. If you ask it, they would also answer that they would not come times into the proximity of the live-shows the MATADORS. Another point is that the fact that THE of MATADORS real "Billy" volume and their influences up to Hasil a Adkins, KING KURT, Carl Perkins is and so on decreases/goes back. The "Billy" influence of CREEPSHOW goes only to TIGERS ARMY or THE LIVING ENDS. I white that live together exactly, finally I with the woman, who wrote the whole songs. THE CREEPSHOW are rather of MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, RANCID, THE OFF-JUMP affected. You can see that already alone where the people of CREEPSHOW played before. The bassist was in RA $ ID tribute volume, the Keyboarder was in Ska volume. The present singer is a Country/Folksaengerin -, I must confess a very good.


OX: How does it stand around the Psychobilly scene in Canada and in your environment?


HOOCH: The Psychobilly scene? There I am really the wrong one, which you ask. I do not know it really... When I based MATADORS, there was not one volume in the area, which made similar music. Today there are dozens here. And in order to be honest, which are most completely shit. Some remarkable of volume from Canada are the GUTTERDEMONS, the ALLEY DUKES and the BRAINS. I find correctly good for the moment also BILL BLOODSHOT.


OX: Whatever influences have you as volume, straight visually?


HOOCH: Above all the horror symbolism from and the 60's 50's, usually from Hollywoodklassikern, in addition, from Blue Bolt and EC Comics from this time. I would say in music Screaming Jay Hawkins, Carl Perkins, Howlin ' wolf and Muddy Waters. In the route bus we hear for the moment much TURBONEGRO, BAPTIZED IN BLOOD, MOTOERHEAD, FRANCINE, THE HITCHERS, TURBO AC's, Danko Jones... many different things stop.


OX: You call your style "Horrorbilly" - is that the moved brother of Horrorpunk?


HOOCH: Yes, then is it. I did not want to use the term "Psychobilly" for us, because I did not want to insult volume, that really make this music. We do not come times into the proximity of such volume like METEOR, DEMENTED ACRES GO!, we have large respect for them. I find it a farce, if volume, which are obviously not Psychobilly, on this course jump up. So volume I did not want to make, itself in this fraud involved. Therefore I invented the term "Horrorbilly". As Horrorpunk to Punk, then Horrorbilly behaves to Psychobilly...

Joachim Hiller





Review from same mag:

Review: HORRORBILLY 9000 CD (stereo of dynamites) kindist: MATADORS Ox-Fanzine/expenditure #74 if musician their handicraft control and also still the necessary music taste bring along, cannot not really somewhat inclined go. THE of MATADORS from Canada move on a scale from 1 to 10 between Brian typesetters and NEKROMANTIX in such a way between 3 and 5. Always somewhat faster than typesetters, but clearly more Swing and Rockabilly than with the Psychobillies. The singer looks for its-same and does not have not behind well-known sizes of the scene to hide itself. The quality of the admission and the varied Songs strike me almost over. From beginning to end one gerockt, one geswingt and one gerockt again, always with much Billy elements. Never dirty or revved up, perhaps somewhat faster than usual. Text used unimportantly, horror evenly. Altogether no desire remains openly. Horrorbilly could have been coining/shaping in this form before 20 years, then it is only a merry title and a outstanding album. Hopefully soon in Europe on the stage. (38:57) (7) (this volume was on the Ox-CD #75 to hear). (Robert Noy)...

*(is this a good review or a bad review?!?!)

Bill... you slimey piece of shit,

I have told you not to talk about my personal life in your birdcage liner of a rag. I have told you NOT to mention my kids. I have told you expressly to fuck off. But you just cant keep it together can you retard? How do you live with yourself?... What ARE your excuses? "oh i have MS and it makes me a retard.... and i dont know what im saying and my down syndrome editor doesnt cut me off when my drool spills on to the page..." Fuck you... I dont give a fuck WHAT you have. As far as im concerned Bill "good things happen to good people"
I hope you die a useless crip-tarded, piss in your pants, fucking veggie.
Furthermore, you suck.

Bill Adams....fuck you. Im not kidding.

,Hooch

THE MATADORS ARE:

Hooch (vox/guitars)
Creepin Jeff(doghouse bass)
Westman(drums)

Creators of the HORRORBILLY genre, masters of balls out rock, foremost motherfuckers in their own right THE MATADORS have been destroying stages and the minds of the youth since the mid 90s with their brand of lucifer driven,booze fuled hate rock.

No band has ever come close to THE MATADORS is terms of live show and performance and no band has ever assembled 3 musicians with such raw and unfathomable talent before. Seeing THE MATADORS live is like being in a funhouse that has been set on fire,like being trapped in a womens prison on a full moon, and be prepared and bring a change of pants because you will shit the pants you bring to the show.

THE MATADORS are the type of band that blows through your town and then the next day 100 bands pop that want to be just like them... THE MATADORS are the most influential band of their generation like tthe Ramones in their era and the Velvet Underground in theirs generations of kids will moved by the awesome force that is MATADORS for as long as there is recorded music and ears to fucking hear it....

THE MATADORS created the genre HORRORBILLY only to remain the top in that field and alll others. There are a few bands that claim to BE horrorbilly but upon closer inspection you will find that not only are those bands poser hairdressers and that one such partular band is actually a tribute band made up of total fakers and that is nothing more then a false frointed waste of the kids time doing nothing more then cashing in on what THE MATADORS invented!! Nonetheless, be not fooled be these bands....as THE MATADORS are the genuine article.
Since selling their souls to lucifer in 1995 in exchange for super human prowess on their instuments on sumpreme omnipotence over their audience they have been unstoppable no matter how badly they have been stabbed in the back by their "friends" in bands or suprememly fucked over by their former recordi company.


One night in 1999 Parkins was approached by what he describes as "a ghoulish figure in a black hood....or something"

The mysterious stranger told Parkins that he was a representative of a group called The Lucifarian Brotherhood of Baphomet, and that The Matadors had caught the attention of the brotherhood. This "ghoul" came to propose a deal to the band. If the Matadors would write and perform Lucifarian gospel music, mixing it in with their traditional rockabilly set, they would, in exchange, receive super-human ability on their respective instruments as well as complete omnipotence over their audiences.

This sounded like a fair deal to Parkins so he pitched it to the other Matadors. They agreed that the deal was in their favour and set about to cement the deal. Instantly the audiences were in a frenzy, drinking inhuman amounts with complete disregard for tomorrow. Once the band began with the new Lucifarian music, onlookers could not help but spend their entire paychecks in a single evening of lewd wanton depravity.

As time went on, The Matadors became more and more powerful as they added more Lucifarian music to their repertoire Eventually the performances became so intense that some members of the band became afraid of the power and evil that followed them to every show. These cowardly members were allowed out of their contract with the brotherhood and went on to die listless and alone....

THE MATAODRS continue on 5 albums laster and one on the way this year..

watch out for it

here's what he said to me:

"...yea, I don't let really anything stop me from bein successful in all aspects of life. I always tell people if you let your dreams, and opporitunities go to waste you'll be sittin there goin what happened and end up regretting it..."

THAT folks is pure fucking genius. We should all have that tattooed on the inside of our left forearms so we can read it over and over again....

,Hooch

They couldnt possibly feed their poor or relieve thier sick but.... I'll be god damned if they can't send all American youths over there to relentlessy kill: Moms,kids,puppies,farmers,grandmas and other dangerous elements...

Have the weapons of mass destruction turned up yet?

God Bless the U.S of A...

Folks… read the blurbs below...

".../12/2007 09:00 PM - the GasLight w/ Trole & Bastard Sons
Dewdney Ave., Regina, Saskatchewan - ?Trole is two thirds of the Matadors and ROCK ROCK ROLL! It’s going to be very cool to see these cats out here for the first time. Plus locals will tear it up..."

"...Channel 62 Productions MISSION TROLE (Matadors side project) w/ BUZZ DELUXE & THE BACKWOODS BOYS. 2003. WELL CHARGED Thursday October 30th 2003.." ·


"..The band features Rob Carvell (MATADORS drummer)and will be doing a .... player and drummer from the matadors join the rockabilly band trole!!! come out .."

Ok, I have been getting some email about whats going on with Trole and The Matadors... because jeff is playing bass for them and so is former drummer Rob Carvell..
People are askin me "are they good?" "are they a rockabilly band as they are promoting themselves as?"

or my fave " are they indeed a matadors side project?"

The answer to all of the above is: NO!
The Matadors are taking a little much needed time off (to record a new record)
In the meantime to make some money Jeff has taken a JOB with Trole whom offered him a ridiculous proposal that he simply couldnt turn down... Which reminds me of the old SubGenius motto: "its criminal to allow a fool and his money remain together"
As for Rob Carvell... he was FIRED ages ago from The Matadors for matters we will not get into here... suffice it to say... he's not in The BAND...
Is it an embarrassment to Matadors fans that jeff is in this band? Does it compremise the integrity of what
The Matadors stand for... (which is being awesome and not being weak and mediocore)?

I dont know... your emails lead me to believe that there are those of you that think so...

I personally think you are being to harsh to judge something liks this so strongly..

All i can tell you is: have a sense of humour about it. Everyone needs a job... thats the reality of living..

Its like this: if you dont work, you dont eat, if you dont eat, you dont shit, if you dont shit... you die.

So, whats the official position of The Matadors and The Lucifarian Brotherhood on Trole?...

We dont like it. You asked, you wanted to know... there it is.

We just dont dig it.

Although we cannot respect, condone or support this band, we fully support the rights of people who work to make a living... remember folks, jeff although may appear to be super human, has the same earthly needs as you do

In closing i would like to repeat that Trole is in noway affiliated with The Matdors, psychobilly or rockabilly in any way shape or form. If there has been any confusion we DO apologize.

To those of you who sent me emails expressing your disappointment after going to the Trole show: Please keep in mind that those shows were not Matadors sanctioned events. Those events were not advertised on this site nor on the matadors myspace site.


Ok... now get your underware out of your throats... relax. The new record will be out before you know it and we can put this whole mess behind us all..

,Hooch

Ok, well... the new record is underway.
17 songs of pure fucking genius... I'm telling you THIS album is awesome.
We are no longer on STEREO DYNAMITE... we are NO LONGER DOING SHOWS WITH THE CREEPSHOW. We arent even doing shows with bands that DO shows with THE CREEPSHOW. So quit fucking asking...

In and unrelated article: I hate midgets. Have you seen 'Little People Big World'?... I hate those people.
Maybe its because my parents were midgets, i dont know. But i hate me some midgets.

Anywho.. The new record is called 'Chinese Democracy'

ok, im kidding.

It's called something else.. but wouldnt it have been hilarious if i called it that?!?!?!

This record has got some pretty different shit on it and im not sure if it's going to be too rock and roll for you "psychobilly" types...
Not every song starts off with "... well, i was walking through the graveyard.."
So this may pose a an issue for those of you that have that ludicris wedgie haircut.

But whatever...

Also, Johnny Boner has his own solo record started.... and i personally think it sucks. You be your own judge though.
So far the tracks that ive heard are Euro-dance versions of Matadors songs...
What an asshole.

European tour in the fall.

For love of Lucifer mail us some decent food while we are over there...

Best meal i had over there last time was: a giant hot dog wiener (schnitzel) covererd in gravey that was primarily made of carrots...

Im not kidding.


In closing i would like to say:

REVENGE!!! its good for the soul.
Oh, you might not feel good about exacting your revenge on the people that have fucked you over but... in the long run you WILL thank yourself..

Trust me.

,Hooch (a man with whom you do NOT fuck)

Ok, so... New record. new record LABLE... TONS AND TONS of new songs... TONS of new merch... possibly making the both the LIVE record and Hellblazin available again...
NEW VAN... (this one is not on fire...currently...)
Touring....

Im not gonna lie to you... this new matadors record is going to tear your head off... its being produced by the guys from The BRAINS!!.... We are extremely excited about this one...

keep your eyes peeled.

,Hooch

for show listings go to our myspace for now...

Sadly, this last show will be the last show for a little while folks. We hope to get back at it soon but you never know how long these things can take sometimes.

I would like to thank everyone who has supported The Matadors over the last 12 years. YOU our thousands of fans have been the best a band could ask for. Seriously.

Thanks for gettting the joke.

Hopefully you've come to a Matadors show and you GOT what its about...its about going to a completley fun and ridiculous rock and roll comic book of a live show in attept to get out of your head for a couple of hours... maybe enjoy the cathartic benefits of hearing someone ELSE say horribly offensive things you and your friends only joke about when no one is looking...

We arent STING... we arent U2... We are balls out rock and roll folks... if you like that, then cool... if not... go see Cold Play... or whatever limp band you choose.

Anyhow, i dont know when i will see you again so...so, in the meantime here are some sage Hooch words of wisdom that i will leave you with in case i dont see you all again:


Have you ever had the urge to tell your boss or you teacher, your boyfriend/girlfriend, a cop or anyone that is harshing your buzz to suck your dick?..

hey SUCK MY DICK!!!....

Go ahead say it out loud and feel how good it is to say it. Louder... ok.

Now, im not talking just to the fellas here...NO, the fact is girls, YOU can say "SUCK MY DICK!!" too... and i suggest you do.
You see "suck my dick" does not simply mean -place your mouth on my penis, suck therefrom in order to coax my ejaculte into your mouth...- HELL NO, (at least not in THIS case). It means "hey, respect my shit or YOU can fuck off.."


Therefore, ladies you TOO have THAT dick... you have HUGE dicks girls and you should feel free to tell THE MAN to suck it.

So, instead of telling someone to fuck off, or flipping the bird or anytime you feel powerless to retaliate.... Saying "you know what man?... you can suck my dick!!"... it is the argument stopper... suck my dick are the LAST words..
Not to mention there are so many accental possibliities too:

"HEY, you can suck MY dick!!"
"hey..SUCK my DICK!"
"SUCK MY dick"....

The list is infinate with that...

Anyway, try it. You will see how empowering this little phrase is.

Thanks Matadors fans... it's been weird.

,Joel "Hooch" Parkins

Silver Dollar in Toronto on April 13th...and The Shadow in Guelph on April 14th... You should go... or else.

,Hooch

Silver Dollar in Toronto on April 13th...and The Shadow in Guelph on April 14th... You should go... or else.

,Hooch

If I could offer you one tip for the future, sin
would be it. The benefits of sin have been great for me and my life i can tell you...


Enjoy the lack of responsablity and recklessness of you youth; oh,
nevermind, you will not
understand the joys of the lack of responsablity and recklessness of your youth until
they've faded. But trust
me, in 10 years you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way
you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how you blew it not having fun...and being a prudish dick about it.


Dont get caught up worrying about possible outcomes of the future... the future is bullshit and if you worry about it too much it will fuck with your mind and disallow your current goodtimes...
Do one thing that threatens your life once a year...sky dive, bungee jump, have unprotected sex with a stanger... until you have kids.... then smarten up stupid.



Dance... dont be a pussy about it. Dont be afraid you are going to look like a dick...you know you WANT to dance... do it.



Exact your revenge... dont sit around wishing you'd done this or said that... let them have it for what theyve done to you... you will feel so much better.



Floss your teeth at least one a day...



Dont listen to other peoples bullshit... no ones opinion is as meaningful as your own. YOU have the right idea, everyone else is just saying shit to hear themselves talk...silence them with your greatness.



Remember to be thankful for what youve got and dont get down about what you lost... its a long life. Let go of the old shit... a bus full of good chances goes by every 5 minutes....get on that fucker.



Dont keep a diary, dont keep score of all the dudes youve blown or the broads youve banged... it will only bring you greif... You may not readily see the effects but i assure you... it will only bring you heartache later on.



Sleep in.



Dont let your job run your life... money is bullshit.

drink milk, get some sun....not too much



Be nice to your mom... I know how fucking annoying she is but when she' gone...she's gone. Dont leave a steaming pile of regrets in the road...



Dont fry bacon without a shirt on



dont sweat the small stuff



dont let a dog lick your face....he licks his own asshole...



trust no one execept your girl.... and if you cant trust her.... lose her.



Don't, love THINGS...your possessions are anchors... easy come, easy go. Never own anything you are afraid to lose...


The only thing this world wants from you is a pile of art... make marks where ever you go. Fuck money it will fade away but your marks will remain, if not on something, then in someones mind...



And finally, learn to play the guitar.. you dont have to be Eddie Van Halen at it or even be ANY good at it... you dont even have to play in front of people But, learn some chords ... even if its only 3 chords...even if you only learn to play Wild Thing.... These 3 chords will do immeasurable amounts of good for your soul.... dont take my word for it... find out for yourself.
,Hooch

hippies, dogs,prog-rock,snow,liver,head lice,the dentist,emo,the atkins diet,people with "shit breath",you,your mother,my mother, people who dance, militant vegatarians,Hamilton Ontario,Jesus,Bugles,football,baseball ,free-form jazz,jellyfish,Phish,fillet-o-fish,cripples,the let's make a wish foundation,hang-overs,Labatt Blue,Monty Python,people who quote Monty Python,stratocasters,hamsters,putting new tar on my driveway,Burton Cummings (these eyes)Hillary Duff and Clinton,Sum 41,House of a Thousand corpses...it sucked!,ass hair,sunshine, peter brady,gin,weed,the great outdoors,shaving,pork-tits backne (zits on your back)sackne(scrotal acne),crackne('nuff said)Victor Borge,clove cigarettes,Neil Pert,relish,crickets,bees,tasmainian devils,possums,Canadian literature, Royal Doulton figurines,Charlie Brown,ticks,plantars warts,my computer,Mary Brown's Chicken,pomegranates,The Ford Motor Co.,ska,System of a Down and all of their fans,poor wait service,political correctness,rug burn,strep throat,gold schlager,fishing,hunting,cattle prods,HomeHadrware brand duct tape (shit),paying a cover,Lars Ulrich,Dead Heads,second hand smoke,olives,candy corn,botox, hippies again,screamo,bruce willis,skunks, kevin eubanks,Celine Dionne,Steven Hawking,people that don't love Motorhead,funnel cake,the homeless,seeing Orbax on fire,DOCTOR WHO,The Clash , nu metal, carrying the burden of being the greatest man human ever, your pocky fucking face,John and Jesse Davidson, dog owners, people that ride around on those 'cripple scooters' who are not even crippled, welfare moms, the unemployed, John Voight, cat piss, Carling's Black Lable, people that have a hare lip, retards, Cuba Gooding Jr., people that try to mooch free t-shirts and stuff from me, hang nails, Harry Potter, Pink Floyd, pork rinds, mandarin oranges,Dr.John,icelanders,teegan and sarah but more teegan then sarah, public toilets, wet microphones, pan handlers, pan flutes, people that wont accept the reality that Sasquatch DOES exist, dogs again, MTV Canada, the term 'piss flaps' I prefer 'meat curtains', poorly executed taxidermy, fat chicks, tribute bands, Nicklebackdefaulttheoryofadeadman,people who suck on guitar for years and years and yet still carry on (you wont EVER get it.. so QUIT), carp, leeches, long drives, moose, possums again, raccoons, Paul Stanley, musicals, new country, shitty guitar tones, sitting down to take a shit and my cock and balls land in the water, Red River Cereal, over done steaks, bad wait service again, people that talk super loud on cell phones, stupid interveiwers asking stupid questions,Bruce COCKburn,people who claim the never hate(thanks superstitions) Robbie Williams, saffron, pringles, RC Cola, thrills what the fuck IS that flavour and why does it make me violent?, public toilets again and again, Booking agents, tofu-dogs,FIDO, that new car smell, East Enders, Coronation Street, Formula One hotels, psychobilly, hot rods,flames,dice,traditional tattoos, betty page bangs, rockabilly faggots and their fat ugly girlfriends (this describes your whole rockabilly/psycho scene btw...deal wit it) people who get their necks and hands tattooed BEFORE their arms are TOTALLY convered, people who come to a matadors show for sole purpose of being offended (stay the fuck home you prudish cunts) kids who's punk rock history goes back as far as Green Day...and thats it,schnitzel, german "cuisine", the back two seats of a Mercedes Sprinter,touring with your pregant girlfriend and not being able to find her a decent meal, green wine gums that taste like Mr. Clean, Saw III, SO Nice Vanillia soy milk drink, Sketchy people (Bob Carvell), Miracle Whip, french onion soup...why is it so salty? ,snow,george bush,that sinking feeling you get when you think about how much in debt you are,back stabbers (bob carvell), chick bands...just because you are a chick..does NOT give you the right to suck...ok?, chick singers (most)Wolfmother, any dude singer with a high voice, drum circles,people that ask me continually why i wont play anywhere else in london but Call the Office,norwalk virus, the fact that i snore, shaving,the drive to winnipeg through northern ontario,cowards (guess who), The Guess Who, Burton Cummings, Kelowna British Columbia,the smell of hot garbage, having to clean the cat box,late load in and no sound check, dog barf (why is it always white?)i know ive said this already but, PSYCHOBILLY!! the bassoon, San Jose' California, turkey bacon, anything with aspertame or splenda in it, the word: poiniant, LLoyd Bridges, The Silver Hearts, the dentist, Alice in Chains, Mettalica, metal in general really, fuck you i dont like it, and neither do you so quit prentending you do... Iron Maiden sucks and sounds like FAX machine interface.. deal!!
Anyone who thinks Sarah Silverman in not the funniest woman on the planet, winter, bears, the word: spew, Magic the Gathering and all who did and do play it... I hate you. Dorf on golf, Magic Johnston...fuck off and die of AIDS already... ok? there i said it. Natalie Portman, spoonerisms, soap operas, diet anything, Richard Simmons' shorts, Pat Sajacks.... life. Douglas Adams, the fact that they never made a Goonies 2...nice going assholes and thanks, the hundreds of stalker girls that either IM or send me messages on myspace like i would touch them with a 10 foot pole...have you seen my girlfried?... give your head a shake... get a life. the color and the word: Puce...i think thats how its spelled.. fuck you. Being used by your friends to get them somewhere... take take take... and then... turn their backs on you like you were never there in the first place...youre welcome btw... Dianne Keaton Goldie Hawn, Barbara Walters, Dr.Laura Sleshinggerer, Club Soda, Christmas... i have now learned that i hate it.. perhaps my mind will change next year but... holy fuck i hate it right now...makes my blood boil to think about it, Dawson's Creek, Tim Hortons Hot Smoothies, opening bands... yeah i said it. Im not moving my fucking backline for you EVER... i dont have to, im not doing it. Dont like it?...here's a tissue.. go home and wipe your vagina... Hooch doesnt care. The Nobles Electronics Company... could you possibly get a distributor in Canada ass-moochers? the french enlgish border in europe... and their need for proper docunments,work, jobs, having a job i have to work at,body hair, getting your tattoo ideas stolen from you from your friends,record company people,drummers,anchovie paste, the thought of a kind of wine made from fermented fish, old people and their pissy smells, a rare condition i suffer from called 'girlfriends-parents-hate my-guts-paranoia', industrial music, James Taylors fucking face, sprained ankels, tetanus shots, maxi-pad commercials, Roger Lodge's long tunic like jackets,missing American Idol due to work or some other gay reason ... i fucking pleaded for the day off for it..cunts.... i may add more later.. right now i hate adding to this list.

Holy shit.... who would have believed this?... not me, thats for sure.

Yeah Jay is back on drums and i am fucking STOKED!!!... do you KNOW what this MEANS!!?!...

No more cancelled shows ladies and gents.
No more coming to a Matadors show and wondering if we are going to be there or not because our drummer decided that he didnt 'feel like' playing that day...
Nope, none of that.

We couldnt be happier i tells ya.


Can't wait to get out there speading the word of Lucifer and pissing in the faces of the kids...

,Hooch

1.trust no one

2.assume that those that are saying shit like 'im here to help you..' are actually plotting to fuck you in the ass the moment your back is turned.

3. no one is going to do the shit they promised they would do for you so its best to tell everyone in your address book to fuck off now and avoid future disappointments.

4. there is a good chance your nearest and dearest friends are conspireing against you RIGHT now. So, act like everything is ok... then stab them in back... i mean that literally.

5.Dogs lick their own assholes and as gereral rule... dont let them lick your face... i dont care how much you love that dog.. he licks his own shit hole..ok?

6. If the devil talks to you directly...chances are: you are hallucinating... so perhaps acting upon the things "The Devil" tells you to...not such a good idea really. Trust me.

~next year i will have 7 bits of advice for 2007.

(happy birthday jen...on the 5th)

Hey, i imagine you come www.thematadors.net and you dont see a whole lot... so you ASSUME nothing is going on... Well friends, nothing could be further from the truth...
1) we have a new record coming out.
2)tons of new weirdo merch.
3) the show itself has been revamped some.
4)We have dug out some songs from all 4 records that you dont ususally hear at shows... (if you have a song from one of the records you dont usually hear and would like to... lemme know. We've been having a lot of fun with that.

If you want to know about shows if you see none here or want to contact the band directly... go to our MYSPACE...

link below...

,H

We have a van coming... its in the works.. But, get this: it seems that Jonny's songs about things he loves to do are offending some people... Now, you who cannot take a joke NEED to **** ****... ok? you NEED to... its not like, i would just rather you did but, you actually MUST ****** now. ok?
I've had ******* people, old people, hippies, concervative religious groups and all sorts of super fun people telling me that they dont like jonny's songs... ok. I GET IT!!.. you DONT find it funny...
Well.. you ******* win ok? are you happy? do ****** yourselves now? GIANT victory for you all now... pat yourselves on the back..
We are no longer doing songs/jokes about ********, wearing ***** ***** onstage... we no longer introduce every song as "*********** " Hooch will no longer ********...
Nope, The Matadors will no longer *********
**** ** *****... we are done with that (not that im happy about it... i feel very strongly about these causes still)
Johnny has a gag order in effect about his veiws as well... (he's SUPER pissed and has actually threatend to leave due to this)
Perpare for ******* *****I hope youre *******happy...

Also, ************ ********** **************************** *** **** ********** the ********************************************************** Guelph****** ***** ***** ***** **** Sean Mcnab's salty shins**** ***** ********* **** ****** german schintzel kabab****** **** for sooth****** ***** Deep Space 9 ****** ******* Lieutenent Commander Data****** ******. Afterall is said and done there is little to say about the state of how the kids can ****** due the fact that everyting is spoon-fed to them****** *** ************* *************!!!.... If its THAT unsafe****** dont touch anyything in vanouver with your bare hands*****.

the end

,Hooch

S, Wilson esq *****

WOW!!!... talk about unexpected folks!
It seems that Bob is back!!! Im playing a show the other night and I turn around and who is playing drums behind me? BOB!!... No one was more surprised then i was... I dont know how he sneaked by me but, he did...

Ok, so remember when our van caught on fire?... well it did.. so jeff, and our mechanic and his son drove back out to Calgary to fix and retrieve it... they got there and the DID fix it.. and they were on their way back when...

...They were driving behind some truck that had some huge refridgeration unit in it and it came loose, landing in the highway... it happened too quickly for jeff to react.. so he hit it dead-on.
The van flipped 6 times, jeff has some stitches and his passenger; broken arm and shoulder blade... fairly painful shit here folks...
The van is a write off... and its cost us just over $4000.00 in the last 2 months... The future of The Matadors... fairly uncertain right now.... but it doesnt look good folks.

stay tuned

Johnny Boner

AMAZING turn out.. REALLY killer response... I tells ya: all you have to do to have a GOOD Hamilton show is: dont play there for 3 years... then come out and play a show with 3 awesome bands...

The beginnning of the night was a bit of a downer however and heres why..

Well, you know how i say nasty things about homeless people and Hamilton... (those of you that live outside of Ontario wont get this reference...actually those of you that live an hour or more away from hamilton wont CARE about this... but hear me out here)..
I had 9 people come and interrupt my meal (i was eating at The Lazy Flamingo in Hess Village in Hamilton at the time) They were all angry Hamiltonians that wanted to "talk" to me about the nasty things i have said in the past...me!?!?.. Hooch?!? EVERYBODY'S friend and all around nice guy.. yeah..
So, there i am with my friends (Ben Rispen-Video Dead,St Alvia Cartel guy, Wreckin Pete, Matt Pomade-Creepshow guy, Bob-Matadors dummer- Creepin Jeff-Matadors bass player,Jen Blackwood-Creepshow gal...i only tell you the individuals names to illustrate that this was a sit down, family meal) We are sitting, eating, minding our OWN biz... then this lynch mob comes over, sits down and they starting talking about how I offended them and their town...

Now, before i go on here folks... Does it strike you as odd that this would EVER take place?... I mean do they, does ANYONE value my opinion THAT much that they would come to my dinner and berate me about my OPINION?... apparently so.. lets continue.. (it was flattering i will be honest)

I will continue here: So, they go on to say how no one in the media cared about the matadors and how we are nobody and etc etc... to which i responded with "well wait... i do sell out buisiness EVERYwhere else i play... just got back from doing my 3rd SOLD OUT canadian tour...and yet in hamilton we dont do so well... is that cuz we are nobody?... or is THAT because the promotion in HAMILTON... was spotty at best?"... no answer..btw.

Hooch 1 - Angry Mob 0


So, granted... ive said some nasty things about hamilton.. its funny, im an incredibly funny man (not to mention charming,charismatic and incredibly good looking) its what i do... They were insulted...so, i owned it and i apologized to them that i insulted them personally. However, I never apologized for being funny... My hamliton jokes have brought so much joy and laughter to SOOO many, that it would be criminal to deny the world this GREAT joke...
Hey, I also make Toronto jokes...those too are funny. Like, ever see us play at the Bovine?... Damn near everytime i play there i make some mention like "hey here we are on queen west.... so, i assume you ALL have full blown HIV"... THAT IS FUNNY!!!
Do people in Toronto come to my other shows in Toronto and to have a heart-to-heart about the horrible things i have said about their fair city?...

No. And what not?...

Because they dont care... see the people of Toronto (a place where the Matadors consistantly to SELL-OUT BUISINESS) dont give a fuck about it...

Will i continue to insult the city of Hamilton and refer to it as dirty and that it stinks?...

Yes. Yes i will do that...

is it a joke?

YES!!! its a fucking JOKE...

Will people get bent out of shape? Probably... Do i care?

No. But, i DO wish that they would laugh along with us about it... Pehaps even join in and take a poke at MY beloved hometown (st thomas)... That would be funny...

Just to show im a good sport about this... i have decided to lift my embargo of playing no shows in Hamilton... thats the kind of magnanimous son-of-a-bitch i am... no no... dont thank me just yet... i havent actaully played there (other then last night)...

In the meantime... i would like to say this:

Sam Lawrence 5: I actaully really liked your band.. i even went as far as to book you a show in london (which you would have played to a sold out room btw) you couldnt make it... it was unfortunate... but thats how it worked out for you guys that night... If i hated your band... i would NOT have booked you a show... i dont have the time OR energy to book bands i dont like... that said, If you would LIKE to play there... email me. Once again, i will put you infront of a sell out room that will LOVE you.. (know this: you will be playing to more people then ANY hamliton band has played infront of in london in 25 years...)
mull it over. I am cordially inviting you (a hamilton band) to play with The Matadors...

in closing i would like to say this:
I will also continue to make jokes about drinking and driving and i dont give a FUCK if your brother, mom or whoever the fuck died in a drunk driving accident... i dont. Its a joke, we as a people adapt, we overcome.. we ROLL with it... ok? fuck off.

So... our van blows up... so we get another..and IT blows up... we were supposed to do a short jaunt out to eastern Canada... but, NO DICE..

No van... AND.. No money.. No way to get to shows (where we get money..)
It's like a snake that eats its own tail...

Im sure there is some ancient parable about this somewhere...

Ive been reading a lot of shit on message boards today... mostly people emailing me links that pertain to Hooch and or The Matadors or jeff or sluts or jeff and sluts... or Hooch's private life... Let me just clear the air about a few things right now:

1) i have paid MY debt to society.
2) It's none of yer god damned, god damn what i do or with whom...
3) I'll play guitar with whomever the fuck i want....WHEN i want it.
4) eat my balls.


Oh... and this september tour... will blow your heads off your skinny little necks

H.Bomb esq

SO.... remember Bob 'the hatchet' Carvell?.... gone.

No more Bob... he's not playing here anymore... no sir... no he's not. You wont see Bob on stage with The Matadors ANY more...why?.... cause he's gone.



Those of you who are keeping track.... thats 10 drummers so far... count'em.

Bob is the first to actually quit however... the rest... all got fired. Usually for cocaine use.... which i find REALLY faggy...

2 Weeks before tour...BOB... quits.

So we welcome Drummer # 11 NEIL DEVERUAX.... you can see neil with us on tour this september...


I would like to thank Bob for the year of service and i wish him the best of luck with his new band (which i cant actaully mention due to legal reasons)


(if you can name all ten drummer i will give you a massive prize pack of matadors swag BTW)

HOOCOCOCOCOOCOCOCOOCOCOCOOOOCHIE

   Get your ADVANCE
TICKETS NOW AT SPEED CITY RECORDS IN LONDON ONTARIO!!!!!

So... guess who just played in hamitlon tonight...?

Yeah ME.. I played at the Casbah with my friends The Creepshow. The Brotherhood set up my gear, the limo pulled up, i walked in and.... I played and entire set there. I was fucking GREAT!!! as it turns out i may have been a little hard on Hamitlon... No im not going soft but, THAT club is a damn site nicer than the shithole we played in before i tells ya.
Anyhow, whatever... stay tuned kids and watch out for The Creepshow's performances you may just show up and see Mr. Hooch on guitar tearin' it up with Hellcat and the boys. (then again... you might not, you just never know with me)... just maybe.

Thanks to those that came out and saw me and Bob "the hatchet"
(fellow matador) play along with the Creeps.

Come see the lot of us tommorw at the hotrod hootenanny in st kits. Here are some highlights that you SHOULD NOT miss:

The Brains (insanely good!!)
The Alley Dukes (I REALLY dig this band)
The Creepshow (obviously dont miss them)
The Screamin' Black Cadillacs (who fucking KILLED tonight btw)
and THE MATADORS!!!! (your faves and mine)


all on ONE bill?

fuck YES!!!! in your fat faces
,Hoochie

I have a lot of people come on and ask me where these songs come from that THE MATADORS sing (other then straight from the Devil) they want to know what we listen to, who our influences are etc... They want to know where the components that made US come from and how it is that they too can draw from this well of greatness….

Well, first off: stop listening to shitty music. That’s problem one. You can’t write good music if you listen shitty music. It’s like, you can’t be very healthy if you eat other peoples shit.
If you eat shit you will become very sick, you won’t die but your breath will fucking stink and every pore of your body will ooze the smell of the shit that you ingest.
This is a scientific fact folks, EATING SHIT TURNS YOU INTO SHIIT!!...

Me personally, I won’t allow ANY shit into my diet. If I’m listening to the radio and Elton John comes on, I don’t tough it out… no! I turn that shit off. I won’t allow that SHIT into MY system.
I mean if you ordered a meal at a restaurant and your steak and baked potato came and looked great but… on another side plate there was a tiny piece of dog shit... Would you eat that dog shit? No, you wouldn’t. You’d say “hey waiter. I didn’t order this dog shit here and I’m not going to fucking eat this SHIT!!”

So, think about what you have been allowing into your mind. Has it indeed been shit?
Have you just sat through Much Loud and though ‘meh,… I can sit through another Billy Talent video…it wont hurt me..” Because, it IS hurting you. You don’t realize it but Billy Talent is making your breath smell like dog shit! Mull it over.

The songs you write are only really an amalgamation of the music you hear and then filtered through the individual creative mojo that you have. So, if you are amalgamating shit with shit and more shit and then a little bit of goodness… you will come out with SHIT. Proportionately, the music WILL indeed BE shitty. It’s just the law of averages people. You can argue that with me all you want. See, I can say this. Why? I DON’T EAT SHIT. Never have.

So that said:

Here is a short grocery list for you to get you on that path healthy, non-shitty listening;

First and foremost on the very tip top of your search:

Chuck Berry.

You actually NEED to study Chuck. You need to learn everything Chuck ever did note-for-note. Don’t just passively listen to it CONSUME it. Figure out the changes, listen to the phrasing. Marvel at the genius of this great master. Chuck Berry is the Mozart of the 20th century. Don’t believe me? Go and fucking listen to and get back to me. Chuck has laid down the sacred word of what Rock and Roll is. He has given it to you as a gift and most of you have either ignored it or have just plain been to stupid to pick it up. It’s not too late…

Muddy Waters.
Howlin’ Wolf
Little Walter
Johnny Burnette
Carl Perkins Sun stuff
Johnny Horton
Thin Lizzy (yeah THAT Thin Lizzy)
ZZ Top pre-eliminator
Buck Owens (don rich….)
Screamin Jay Hawkins
T-bone Walker
Artie Shaw (the fucking Malmsteen of the clarinet)
Bo Diddley (you also need to spend time studying this man)
Ronnie Hawkins
Duane Eddy
Roscoe Holcomb
Freddy King

These are some of the more readily available artists you SHOULD be able to track down.

Start there.

If you know what was distracting me... email me right away.

,Hooch

Hey, you who read this...

Here's where they are:

Jul 8 2006 8:00P
Hot Rod Hootenanny St Catherines, ON
Jul 13 2006 8:00P
Playhouse Montreal, QC
Jul 14 2006 8:00P
Silver Dollar Room Toronto, ON
Jul 15 2006 8:00P
The Shadow Guelph, ON
Jul 18 2006 8:00P
Collective Cabaret Winnipeg, MB
Jul 19 2006 8:00P
The Distrikt Regina, SK
Jul 20 2006 8:00P
Amigo's Saskatoon, SK
Jul 21 2006 8:00P
Sidetrack Cafe Edmonton, AB
Jul 22 2006 8:00P
The Palamino Calgary, AB
Jul 23 2006 8:00P
Pete's Club Jasper, AB
Jul 25 2006 8:00P
Lamplighter Vancouver, BC
Jul 26 2006 8:00P
Logan's Pub Victoria, BC
Jul 28 2006 8:00P
Boomer's Vernon, BC

Let's start with the reviews..:

The Matadors
Horrorbilly 9000
Stereo Dynamite Recordings
Psychobilly

By Adam Riggio

A-

Psychobilly is a punk genre that owes more to Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard than the Sex Pistols or the Ramones. The Matadors are some of Canada’s better psychobilly pushers, and their Horrorbilly 9000 is an excellent example.

The lyrical content is mostly centred around rockin’, sex, and rockin’ while having sex – all while a Satan-worshipping party rages in the background. There are a lot of fast cars too, as described in songs like “Demon Riders,” “Hellride,” “Let’s Ride,” and “Hellbound Train.” You ride the train – to hell.

Musically, the Matadors follow a basic formula of rockin’ guitars played really fast, with short, simple songs about how much hellfire, and demons rule. No one pushes psychobilly attitude quite like them. This music is pure rock shoved in your face like a thick, bloody shepherd’s pie.

Standout tracks on Horrorbilly 9000 are definitely opener “Rock ‘n’ Roll Freakshow,” and closer “Nine Shots of Bourbon,” and this is not just because of their constant references to bourbon. But “Teenage Zombie Sluts” is not only a catchy slice of ass-kicking punk – it encapsulates everything the Matadors are about.

Download: “Teenage Zombie Sluts”

The Creepshow
Sell Your Soul!
Stereo Dynamite Recordings
Psychobilly/punk

C

When I think about good rockabilly or psychobilly I can’t help but think about tight three pieces: The Stray Cats, The Reverend Horton Heat, and as of late, The Matadors.

At the least I expect a solid rhythm section piled high with oodles of jaw dropping guitar – something that often gets lost in the transition to psychobilly. While this debut album from Ontario’s The Creepshow does feature some innovative spooky organ, I spent the entire album waiting for the guitar – or anything to shine.

When the moment does arrive, it’s at the aid of The Matadors very own Howlin’ Hooch Parkins – 10 tracks too late to save the band from drowning in a sea of weak, contrived psychobilly clichés.

Postmortem: turn off that tremolo pedal and learn how to make that guitar wail, and check out the new Matadors album instead of this one.

Download: The Matadors album

-------------------------------------

Now if you're like me, not only are you incredibly handsome and super smart but, you also read this review of The Creepshows record and it made you furious.
I dont expect everyone to like EVERYthing...but SHITBALLS!!! these observations are bullshit. I mean "... drowning in a sea of weak, contrived psychobilly clichés..." If there is anything Sell You Soul isnt... its 'contrived psychobilly clichess' I challenge you to find a psychobilly record that's AS fresh as that one.

There are no cliches about it, they are creating entirely new idioms for the genre.
There is no band that has is doing that currently (that im aware of) OTHER then these guys... Now, when i think cliche i think: A trite or overused expression or idea. Clearly not what you find on that record.

I think "ground breaking" is the term this dude is searching for... I think perhaps that the record is in fact TOO great for him and he was unable to wrap his pea head around it.

In terms of the guitar work... I shall say this: I have seen with my own eyes Hellcat working on some guitar noodlery that would give that revewiwer no choice but to EAT his own ball-sack.

That said, stick around for their next record where i predict the guitar work will make a lot of dudes consider staying home practicing a LOT more and/or giving it up... this GIRL will school the shit out of you.

Scared?... you should be.

,Hooch

Hey, we get in a lot of shit from people because we dont play this song or that song live..

The fact is: we WANT to play them all. But, no club will let us play for 3 hours SO!!!!...

Why dont YOU tell US what songs YOU want to hear live...?

What off HORRORBILLY 9000, THE DEVIL'S MUSIC, or even HELLBLAZIN' do you wanna hear??

message us @: www.myspace.com/thematadors

We'll compile a list of the most asked for stuff and play that shit!!


,Hooch

call this number and offer THEM a trip to lovely Fingal, Shedden or any other small town. It drives them fucking NUTS

1-866-893-8883

They are trying to sell trips to Collingwood and they are SO desperate to unload these packages that they are giving their call back #.

Please act now, and annoy the piss out of them!!

,Hooch

Well, people ask me this a lot "hey Hooch, you are out there every night giving sermons about rock and roll...and well... im a douchebag and I dont really know what that is...what is it? so that i too can stop being a cock-sandwich and know the true path to rock and roll.."

Its like this (as far as i know... and for all you NEED to know I AM the foremost authority on the subject)
Rock and roll is to me the holiest of holy (if there could be such a thing) Now when i mean r'n'r i mean Chuck Berry's r'n'r I dont mean some velvet pants wearin', eye-liner faggot rock and roll... stay with me now... follow the tour please.

I mean AC/DC, THAT is rock and roll... That is not too far off the path of what the great masters (chuck berry) intended it to be. I think the further you stray from that model, the more you soil rock and roll... I mean dream theatre, thats not rock and roll thats a man masturbating and then shooting his wad into his OWN mouth...yeah i said that. You might say "but Hooch, they never intended to be rock and roll...why not just let them express their semen into their own mouths in peace?" To this I say "why dont YOU fuck off? Go get your own website where you can rant about stupid shit if you want??!?! HUH?? THIS IS MY TIME!!!"

I see a lot of bands on the road and you have to give any band respect thats out there earning fans 10 people at a time and living in a van right? BUT!! If i see one more Alexisonfire tribute band im going to cut my own balls off and eat them in attempt to bleed to death. Why must you kids do this? one singer, one screamer, off time drums... everyone soloing at once.. FUCK OFF! Its been done (and better then you could ever hope to achieve) Which brings me to my point FINALLY!!

Why not grow a single nut and play some god damned rock and roll?

I dont know about you but im a little tired of hearing these kids whine about their lost loves on stage only to be fucking every whore that comes back to the bus post show...

Why not just say "yeah we fuck sluts, and we like it, and hey wanna get fucked up? wanna dance?... me too!!! I say we tear this place apart!!!!!"

In closing I would like to say this: I dont give a fuck. Yeah I might say the unpopular thing, yeah we fucked your girlfriend and yeah she thinks about us when she's fucking you but dammit! Wouldnt you rather have had her fucked by one of us then fuck some dude with a Hitler hair-cut, who makes out with other dudes in attempt to get some pussy?.. SURE YOU WOULD. The Matadors are ambassadors to happiness, we get you drunk and make you do stupid shit but fuck it!! you have fun right? So why not just accept that we fucked your gf.. We did it for your own good AND
WE DID IT IN THE NAME OF ROCK AND ROLL!!

get a hold of me on msn: lucifersass@hotmail.com

i will personally reserve you a ticket.

not kidding.


,Hooch

there are NO advance tix for the CD release party this Saturday (may 27th)... It seems that ticket master fucked up...jerks!

SO here's the deal: the first 100 people get in for $7.00!! The rest of ya: $10.00. No service charges, no hidden bullshit fees, no fuss, no muss...

This is a licensed all ages event, its also the official LONDON CD RELEASE PARTY for our NEW CD: HORRORBILLY 9000

AND!!!!!!!!! THE CREEPSHOW'S CD RELEASE!!!

can you dig it?

,Hooch

Here's the no-fun-nik that's been organizing the the protests out front of our shows (he also headed the group that slowed our cd release)

http://www.mychristiansite.com/personal/johildebrandt/


jerk face!!!

,Hooch

Here I sit in an internet cafe in Winnipeg whlist everyone else is in Thunderbay... I saw alot of posters up around here on my way over here. I also saw some squeegee kids sitting outside playing acoustic guitars, their pitbulls looking on all emaciated and fucked up.

Anyhow,one sees my coming down the road and says "hey this guys got a matadors shirt on...hey buddy who the fuck are the matadors?" and his buddy witht the guitar says "thats that band what hates hippies and burns homeless people.."

Toronto CD release party... Kathedral...EARLY SHOW!!! all ages.
CRAZY lucifarian bloodbath..

Im telling you, THIS show is the kick off for the spring tour so come out and get a little LUCIFER in ya.

MAY 5TH!!!!!!

well it was supposed to come out on May 2nd.. but get this!!: there is a particular christian lobby group (i wont say who) who has held up production at the printers by demostrating, picketing and 'sitting in' so that the good people that work at the CD manufacturing warehouse cannot get to their jobs... So the files have been transfered over to another printer (secret location)

meaning: on more week...

May 9th in stores!!! HORRORBILLY 9000

I recently got a call from "jane" at home and she was trying to sell me a trip to a Collingwood resort. Jane STUPIDLY left her phone# to call her back.
So, i have been calling her continually, trying to sell her a package trip for 2 to Fingal Ontario. It's driving her and her entire office insane. I LOVE it

here's her digits: 1-866-719-9690

,Hooch

Ok... the lucifarian brotherhood... LOST our mailing list.
It seems that the master list was left in the pocket of one of their robes and then washed...

So, please email me (Hooch@thematadors.net) if you want to be on that list.

in the subject line just put this: MATADORS MAILING LIST

and email from the email acct you want your Matadors updates sent to.

While we're on the topic of things like this:

If you have any pictures of any of the Matadors shows from out '05 Canadian tour and would like to see them on the website. Send them to me.

Put this in the subject line: TOUR PICS

and tell me the venue,date, town and who took the photo in the body of the email

please do not make these pics huge. They aint gonna be posters folks just website pics.

Also, Ted Nugent rules.

,Hooch

DISSENT NIGHTCLUB 210 dundas st.
DECEMBER 21st!!!

cover: ONLY 5 bucks (for 19 +)
ONLY!! 7 bucks (19 and under)

DONT MISS THIS SHOW!!

Ok, its been a while..

here whats the haps: we have a live record out... you can get it at SPEED CITY in LONDON!!. Thats the ONLY place that has it. It's limited to 120 discs. Why?
Well, I say some pretty awful things on it so we pressed 120 of the un-edited show and the edited show will get a mass pressing and acutally distrobution too...

Also, we are recording our new studio CD right now (in fact in the next room to me rob is playing tracking drums...)

Also!!! i fucked your mother in the ass.

Seriously though: new webiste, new cd, new songs, new insane props and stunts.. new reasons to burn the homeless.

,Hooch

The Matadors have lost a brother.

Ben Frith passed away sunday in hospital while fighting his way out of a coma.

Those of you that knew him (...if you've been to a Matadors show in Ontario than you do... he rode with us to many,many shows) knew what a great guy he was. Many times when things werent going so well for us, Ben was the best kind of support a friend could want.
Ben was the biggest hearted, funniest and down-right solid people we have have ever had the fortune of knowing.

He will be greatly missed...

Our sincere condolences go out to Ben's family for their great loss.

,The Matadors

At THE MANSION HOUSE in ST. CATHERINES ONTARIO on SEPTEMBER 13th!!!

All of The Matadors are going to see the show PLUS some of the brotherhood...

So come down and get wasted with us and see two INCREDIBLE psychobilly bands

The Mansion House - 5 William Street, St. Catharines, ON

Oh...btw: Stumble says "its like $8 pitchers that night too..."

For those of you that dont know yet... we have a new drummer.

Now, judging by the emails, people want to know why, how, they want to know if jay quit or got fired etc etc...

The fact is: its none of your god damned bid'ness.
I mean, I dont ask you fuckers about when your last bowel movment was or how you and your girlfriend are getting along. So WHY do you gotta get all bent outta shape when i dont have an answer for Jay's depature? why?

Let's just say this: we have a new drummer... His name is Bob.
Jay now plays in another band...i dont know if im allowed to say who it is yet but, when i find out i will post it.

Also, Switchblade Valentine and The Nightstalkers are on tour.. GO SEE THEM!!!!

Here:
Aug. 27th - Nanaimo - At The Cambie with The Switchblade Valentines

Aug. 30th - Victoria - At the Lucky Bar with The Switchblade Valentines

Aug. 31st - Vancouver - At Pub 340 with The Switchblade Valentines.

Sept. 2nd - Calgary - At Broken City with The Switchblade Valentines and the Square Heads

Sept. 3rd - Edmonton - At the Shark Tank with The Switchblade Valentines (ALL AGES!)

Sept. 4th - Regina - The Exchange with The Switchblade Valentines

Sept. 30th - Canmore

Oct. 1st - Jasper


Do it... seriously.

Its been 11 years since that fateful day...

I still think you are douchebag and I still think you owe me $400.00.

here's a little myspace dialogue i thought was damn funny:



"...From: LIV
Date: Jul 23, 2005 11:29 PM

Did you guys know that there is a rock band in the UK somewhere named the Matadors too? I loved all 3 shows I saw, will there be more? LIV

From: The Matadors
Date: Jul 24, 2005 8:19 AM

did you know that there are millions of douchbags named Liv?..."

Now, if that's not how you alienate your audience... than WHAT is? TELL ME!!

,Hooch

(and, fuck you)

here some highlights from the tour:

- 3 sold out shows (Calgary, Victoria, Vancouver)

- The Zoo in Winnipeg (probably the coolest run venue in Canada Rick and Chuck you RULE!!!)

- Meeting the singer of 3 inches of blood's dad (3 inches of dad) on the ferry to Vancouver island. Totally weird and random.

- setting several homeless people on fire in Vancouver (east hastings...wow)

- Meeting and playing with Big John Bates.

- we completely kicked ass EVERY night (except for the night we were supposed to be in the Soo... that night we didnt)

We now OWN Canada much in the same way we own Ontario.



And finally, our welcome home party in Toronto was FUCKING HUGE!!!! Thanks to all that showed up to support us. I will personally put in a kind word to Lucifer for all of you.

,Hooch

We left the Deadcats in a heaving, gasping pile in Abottsford...


Those poor,poor souls just could NOT carry on with us any longer.

We now continue on...alone.

See all you fuckers soon.

,Hooch

If you are in Toronto this weekend go to the Silver dollar for another one of Johnny and Jenny's AMAZING rock and roll dance parties!!!

06/03/2005 10:00 PM - Silver Dollar
486 Spadina Ave, Toronto, ON - $8.00
The Alley Dukes and THE BRAINS!

I'm dead serious, dont miss this show!!!
I dont normally advertise for other bands on this site so you KNOW this is good one

,Hooch

We've heard rumours that we were slated to play at the JLC on May 21st.

This was never true.

We werent supposed to play there and we DID NOT play there last night.

If this show was going to happen it would have been advertised on THIS site...right?

It wasnt.

If you dont see it on this site that means it's not happening regardless of where ELSE you may have seen it.

PRAISE LUCIFER.

Ok, so 8 people showed up... no kidding...

I just want to thank everyone who helped with the boycott. This was a huge sucess for the London music scene. I think it really showed solidarity and conviction on everybody's part. Good job!!

So, Brett Downes (Syndrome)) decided to send Universal Canada an email complaining about The Matadors and our boycott and blah blah... as it turns out...(what a surprise) they did not care.

So, Brett lost a lot of money on this venture. Nice going Brett.

This is what happens when you are a sneaky shit.

I (and i feel that i am speaking for the entire London music communtiy) am laughing at you...
There you are: standing with that tattle-tale dark blue piss-stain mark in your jeans crying. "whahhh...i made a pee pee in my panties mama.."

Go fuck your hat. AND never EVER fuck with The GREAT HOOCH again..!!!

Ok, so i see that they are charging people a cover to get into the awards ceremonies for the LMAs...

Let's just regroup for a moment and go over this:
They already annonnced the winners and NOW they are going to have an awards ceremony...

Does this seem stupid to anyone else?
I mean, how's it going to go? "...your nominees for best psychobilly/rockabilly band are..."
The audience will be on pins and needles im sure...

Bret Downs (syndrome) recently called me up and wondered if we (THE MATADORS) would be dropping by the LMAs to pick up our award but, i told him to spare himself the expense and the indignity of us not showing (not to mention the MASSIVE boycott we've called for against him, his awards and his "magizine" )up at this event.

Please, I urge to for the sake of all that is decent:
BOYCOTT this event. Bret is fleecing the London music community, the fans, the supporters, the venues, the bands, the record stores ALL OF US.
This is OUR scene and it's up to us to protect it from money grubbing scum bags like Bret Downs.

Open the pages of SCENE magazine today. Look for the support of local music. Infact go through the back issues of their 16 year history and look for their support of LOCAL music...It aint there folks.

Why is he charging a cover to get in to these awards? Why should he or anyone profit from these types events?
Do you think the bands are getting paid? They are NOT. Where's all the money going?... Right in Brets pocket.

You are getting fucked in the ass if you go to this thing.

DONT ATTEND THE LONDON MUSIC AWARDS.

please email and tell me you are NOT going.
Hooch@thematadors.net
please put: LMAs in the subject line

DISCLAIMER:

I just wanted you all to know that these awards are/were fixed.
I told you all MONTHS ago that we were going to win and SURPRISE,SURPRISE (Jim Neighbours) we won...

Now, I hope (those of you who voted) feel foolish.


How was it fixed?

Here's how:

The Catagorey were in was 'Psychobilly/Rockabilly' for one.
Why not just have a catagorey called 'Best Band in London Called The Matadors'...?

"...and for Best Band in London Called The Matadors, your nominees are..."

Secondly, one of the organziers of the LMAs called me and said "listen, The Matadors do sell-out buisiness in this town, tell ya what. You come play this thing so we can get a lot of asses through the door and we'll make SURE you win..."

So i said "yeah?...prove it"

And prove it they did. Hence, this is how i knew about the fix. Are we now going to play their event?

What do you think? stupid.

So, in the future if you see Bret Downes name on a London event that has anything to do with "helping the communtiy out" again... MAYBE next time you'll listen to old Hooch and BOYCOTT the FUCKER.

THAT'S RIGHT...

We're coming to your town. May will be our all of Ontario and Quebec tour June we will be dipping into the states and then in July we will be going west followed by our east coast tour in the fall. We will be touring in Europe for most of April as well.

The May Tour will be called 'Matadors: playing EVERYHWHERE but Hamilton Ontarion Tour'
Tour shirts WILL be available.

[url]http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=7306122507[/url]

buy my guitar...

That's right YOU can own MY guitar..

YOU'LL SHIT YOURSELF!
By AMY KENNY
Staff Writer

The website claims their upcoming Halloween show "will make you shit your pants and then eat those pants that you just shat in."

Then again, it also claims all three members of London's rockabilly outfit The Matadors, were given their respective musical prowess (prowesses? Prowi?) by way of a deal with a division of the Devil's minions called the Lucifarian Brotherhood of Baphomet.

Riiiiiiight.

So I'm sitting on the back deck at London's Call the Office, waiting for a Matadors show to start, when I see the first one. He's leaning against a wall near the entrance to the bar, dressed entirely in black; heavy black boots, black trousers, thin black cape-like overcoat, and a shiny, jaggedly cut purple hood framing the black nothing that is his face. He lifts a hand to his hole of face and takes a drag of his cigarette (how? I don't know -creepy). Smoke curls around his shoulders and cloak giving him the appearance of a ring wraith.

I move inside the bar to scan the merch table (well ok ... partly to get away from the ghoul. Like I said -creepy), but another one is manning the merch. At least, I think it's another one. Could be the same one that was just outside. They look identical ... at least ... as identical as faceless people can look.

Anywhooo, this wraith hands out t-shirts, buttons, and stickers. He collects money, makes change. Sips his beer (again -I don't know how). He doesn't speak. He might not even be looking at anyone.

I slink away and hang out by the stage where the second opening band is finishing up and clearing off.

A few minutes later three ghouls (and again -all identical to the first) appear onstage and tune drums, an electric-blue guitar and a stand-up bass. One holds a 40's style radio mic out to the crowd and shakes it, urging fans to check it before grunting into it himself. Once. Twice. Three times.

A smoke machine starts somewhere near the front and the musty wet smell of fog masks the stench of sweaty concert BO that permeates stage right. Red lights pass, muted, through the mist.

The ghouls leave the stage. They re-take the stage. They disappear and they're back again, standing opposite each other in three separate corners. I wonder if these three are the Matadors -and I start to think that if they are, this could be cheese- when a seriously blinding bit of pyrotechnics sparks a crowd excitement that lures the actual Matadors to the stage.

At first the fog is so thick it's hard to tell they're there. Someone seems to be standing beside the bass. And I think there's a guy behind the mic. Slowly, the mist clears in patches to uncover a Gothic Elvis in lead singer Joel Perkins. He wears a black suit with ornate black velvet patterns burnt onto it. His dark hair is gelled back and he's holding an impossibly Hound Dog stance. His red shirt and black dress pants match those of bassist Jeff Sheppard and drummer Jay Westman.

To see them, they could be lounge singers. To hear Perkins' voice, he could be an Elvis or Orbison impersonator. To listen to the crazed instrumentals, this is rock-a-fucking-billy. And to pay attention to the lyrics, they could be a horror movie script.

"Are you ready to rock?" Perkins yells. "Areyoureadytorockareyoureadytohaveagoodtimeareyoureadytodrinklots?!" he runs it all together and breaks straight into the first song in what will be an hour-long fiesta of spectacle, the likes of which this lady has never seen.

By the second song, Sheppard has his upright bass tipped on its side and is standing on it, gravity-defyingly balanced, arms flailing like a lunatic on the neck. This draws a huge reaction.

Almost as huge as the reaction when one of the ghouls (whom I now assume is one of "the Brotherhood") steps up from his spot behind Sheppard with a huge skeleton-encased gun and waves it menacingly over the audience's heads. The odd scream rings from the front of the stage. Cheers from the middle. Laughter from the back. The crowd goes wild. The gun's sudden and powerful deployment sprays the entire room, front to back, with clouds of cotton/plastic fuzz. The crowd goes wilder.

Sheppard jumps down from the stage and winds his way through the audience, lugging his instrument along, visible only because of the skull atop the neck of his bass, which bobs above heads like a goblin from Labyrinth.

He leaps back onstage where Westman lays down a steady beat despite looking as calm and laid back as Sheppard does a demon possessed.

In between songs about killing ex-girlfriends and battling zombies ("How many of you have had dead zombies under your house trying to suck your brains out through your nose?"), the Brotherhood wipe sweat from the musicians foreheads and pour drinks down their throats, while Perkins explains how he found the metallic blue guitar he's playing. His hands pass over the three dice that cover the knobs of the instrument (all with outward facing sixes of course) and he dives into a convoluted tale involving Lhasa Apso's and maps drawn with dog crap on kitchen floors.

Riiiiiiiight.

That taken care of, he introduces Dead Bride, a song brought to life by one of the Brotherhood. He steps forward holding a life-sized, wedding dress-clad skeleton (where do they keep pulling this shit from?) and brandishes her like a trophy while red liquid squirts from her eyes into the audience.

The entire show is a festival of props, surprises, red light glow, smoke machine blow and stellar, stellar tunes. It ends with a song called Bush Party that has everyone -from the cowboy at the back to the skinheads at the front, to the underagers with the X's on their hands- dancing and screaming out a back-and-forth ("When I say ‘rock' you say ‘hand job'! That's right -I OWN you now!) with Perkins.

As soon as it ends, much to the disappointment of the rowdied-up crowd, one of the Brotherhood wraps a spent Perkins in a black cape and leads him offstage. Sheppard and Westman follow. They don't return. There is no more. Something that's notable and respectable in an age of all-too-easy-to-come-by-encores. So impressed? I was. Entertained? For sure. Rocked? Hell yes.

Definitely worth the $5.

Actually, worth more than the $5.

Maybe not worth more than my pants though if you know what I mean.

The Matadors Stick To Their Crazy Stories
Wednesday February 02, 2005 @ 01:00 PM
By: ChartAttack.com Staff


The Matadors

The Matadors are a creepy bunch.

Listening to their latest effort The Devil’s Music is like reading Anton LaVey — you can admire the eerie brilliance and sharp wit, yet you're equally spooked by such horribly skewed views.

"The Matadors have not been enraptured by psychobilly so much as psychobilly has been 'enRUPTURED' by The Matadors," says guitarist/singer Joel "Hooch" Parkins while discussing his decade-old outfit. "We don't have to worry about 'the scene' too much as we dominate indiscriminately."

He’s joking, of course. Because unlike LaVey, The Matadors know the value of tongue-in-cheek humour. It’s not their fault that with brisk pacing, unforgettable rhythms and infectious melodies, these goons truly dominate the Canadian psychobilly scene. The group deserves bragging rights, even if Parkins treats it like a gag.

Delving deeper into their mysticism-laden history — rounded out by bassist "Creepin’" Jeff Sheppard and drummer Jay Westman — he outlines exactly why The Devil’s Music is so far ahead of its game.

"Being the only Lucifarian gospel band out there sets us apart in many ways, I think. Not only that, but making a pact with the Devil in 1995 in exchange for super-human prowess on our instruments has put us head and shoulders above all others."

Fair enough, but it did take them almost four years to get The Devil’s Music together. With said super-human prowess, what the hell took so long? This is the band’s fourth release; they’re obviously experienced. Parkins defends himself with more Satanic spin.

"The Devil's Music is our first release in three years, (but) we took so long to get this one out so that The Lucifarian Brotherhood of Baphomet could pull focus groups together and test hymns for their effectiveness on the masses. The hymns found on The Devil's Music have been tirelessly engineered to subliminally urge people to over consume alcohol, drugs, illicit sex. We've had great success with this approach. We will continue to faithfully work for the Devil by damning souls to Hell. It's a huge task but I feel we're up to it."

Trouble is, the only souls they seem to damn are their own. Take, for example, this particularly frightening (and questionable) anecdote.

"The Matadors were on an East coast tour (and) our drummer brought this gigantic hare-lipped woman back to his hotel room in a drunken mishap," laughs Parkins. "We awoke the next day only to find that this woman was none other than ‘national treasure’ Rita McNeil... no shit."

You can see The Matadors in all their insanity February 24 at The Foundation Night Club in Barrie, Ontario.

—Keith Carman

The Jacks are non-profit, London Music Awards are not
Posted by Barry Wells on Tuesday December 28 2004 @ 08:05PM EST

LOCAL MUSICIANS and their supporters are about to witness -- and likely participate in -- a rare, unfolding drama involving not one, but two separate music award programs, proving the adage that for most artists seeking recognition for their creative endeavours, it's either feast or famine.

No doubt a few bands and their fans have already twigged to what's going on, but to date, this odd, made-in-London tale has yet to be told by anyone else in the local media.

The story goes like this.

"It all started in the summer of 2001," says documentary film-maker Mario Circelli, chairperson of the organizing committee of The First Annual Jack Richardson Music Awards, former station manager at CHRW-Radio and TV-Western and former chairperson of The London Music Awards' organizing committee.

"Ian Gifford (a local musician and host of CHRW's For the Folk show) and I came up with the original concept. We put together an informal group of about 16 people from the local music scene and drafted by-laws and a non-profit mission statement. The working name for the event was ‘The Forest City Music Awards.' Initially, the official organizing committee consisted of myself, Ian Gifford and John Sharpe (SCENE's music editor)," explains Circelli.

In addition to CHRW, The New PL and SCENE came on board as media co-sponsors, with music consultant Greg Simpson, Free Press columnist James Reaney, SCENE's Publisher Bret Downe, the London Fringe Festival Theatre's founder/ producer Kathy Navackas and CHRW's Program Director Grant Stein being added to the event's organizing committee.

Late in 2001, Circelli says the organizing committee learned that Bret Downe had unilaterally incorporated the names "The London Music Awards" and "The Forest City Music Awards" as for-profit, limited companies and registered himself as president and sole director.

Mr. Downe subsequently offered to add Mr. Circelli's name as a director of the for-profit company, but Circelli declined.

Despite the tension created by Mr. Downe's for-profit incorporation, for two years in a row -- 2003 and 2004 -- the nomination process of The London Music Awards culminated in a splashy awards show featuring several live bands at Club Phoenix in late March, with The New PL's Matt Webb the master of ceremonies.

Circelli says that "about 600 attended the event in its first year and 700 in its second year."

After the event's second year the schism occurred, with the organizing committee deciding to abandon Downe's London Music Awards and strike out on their own to follow the group's original mandate of a non-profit event -- hence the birth of The First Annual Jack Richardson Music Awards ("The Jacks"), sponsored by The London Free Press, The New PL, CHRW, the London Musicians' Association, Local 279 of the American Federation of Musicians, Club Phoenix and Ansell's Awards and Specialities.

Kathy Navackas, a member of The Jacks' organizing committee, says that "The highly passionate group of people that has form